Made in Heaven - part II

Of course I felt that the photo looked familiar. Because this was not thefirst time I was seeing Geetha.My mind went back to my college days. Particularly to one incident that happened six years back.
I was in the third year of my engineering. I had mastered the tricks of engineering education. Sleep all through the semester , take photocopies of some cheap bookfrom alocal author 3-4 days before the exams , skim through them the previousdayof the exam and write some stories in the paper. This policy didn't fetch me great marks but it sure saved me from disappointments. I had lost interest in the system when I had got a paltry 50 - odd in one of my most favourite subjects while my friend had scored 80s in thatsubject after writing the story of the movie "Lagaan" during the exam. But exams bothered me only occasionally . I lost sleep due another to picrelated to my college.
Geetha. We both had chosen the same engineering stream so we were in the same class. Since she had joined school earlier and me missing one of my school final exams due to typhoid, she was younger than me. I never talked to her much except during the times I had to talk to her during practicals. She was a fairly popular personality in the college. She was very goodinsinging and used to win prizes in almost all college culturals. I usuallygo to all those culturals under the false context of taking part in somecompetition but end up losing all of them .
I never minded that. My aim had always been to applaud her singing , congratulate on her winning and exultat her success as she accepts the prize in the podium with all modesty.How much did I have to tell my self to snap out of her thoughts!!! But I couldn't .
I tried to reason with my heart . I put forward points in front of my heart and used to list girls who were more beautiful, more smarter and morefriendlier towards me and demanded explanation for this crazy fascination I had towards Geetha.
My heart would smile back at my mind and would say "You will neverunderstand, don't give me your equations, this is not maths!!!!
"I was going through this torture for a good part of three years.Torture!! What an understatement!!!
I had thought that it should be made mandatory, that all secret agentsshould have gone through love. Anybody who had gone through love can take any other torture this worldhasto offer. I would have given anything to know whether I was in her heart. I was getting sick of imagining favorable interpretations for her simpleactivities.
I felt the sensation of being applied "Oldspice"(after shave lotion)after getting shaved , when she talked to me. I didn't know whether to enjoy the chillness of her words or the exhilarating pain of my love.I used to wait for that "golden glance"of hers everyday and used to rejoice all day by playing the glance again and again in my mind.
Everyday was confusion as to whether she was an angel or the mostbeautiful witch born to torment me*I went through thousand more thoughts like this.I was really longing to express my love.
BUT HOW????The opportunity presented itself when we went to industrial visit to Ooty.
Industrial visit????Well.... It was just a fancy name we had given for our excursion. After a brief visit to "Hindustan Photo films" to justify the"industriousness " of our visit we went to various other places ofattraction including the "Botanical garden". I had made up my mind to confess my love during this trip and was waiting for the right time.
The chance presented itself during our visit to the botanical gardenThere were 7 of us in our gang of close friends, three guys and four girls including myself and Geetha who stuck together as we visited the various places.As we were roaming about in the garden, Geetha suddenly stopped.'I cant walk one more step from here on!!! You guys look around and comeback.I will wait here"
"hey come on!!!! We wont go all the distance , we will just see a few more places,also we cant leave you alone here", one of our friends exclaimed as he looked around into the darkness that was setting in.I knew this was my chance."Why don't you guys carry on?? Even Iam fairly tired. I shall stay backwith Geetha and we will wait for you guys".Everyone seemed to like the idea.Soon we were left alone and we sat on the lush green grass.
After the initial chat about the trip I slowly gathered boldness."Geetha""Ya ", she was resting her head on her folded hands and was gently closing her eyes."I want to tell you something", I felt some non-existant block gettingstuck in my throat.
She raised her head and looked at me.I cleared my throat ."I wanted to tell you this for a long time. Whatever it is please don'tbeangry on me"
She smiled gently."Hey Kishore ,your buildup is scary, you are talking as if....."she stopped suddenly."As if....." , I enquired softly."As if.. as if you are gonna propose to me or something!!!! ", she letoutan uneasy laugh.I didn't answer her.She had guessed it!!!!"You are right Geetha", I replied"Right about what??", she was at her irritating best.
Why do these girls want everything to be spelled out perfectly."You are right Geetha..... I .... Iam........."I couldn't raise my tongue."I want to marry you Geetha, I want to make you part of my life"I felt as if a huge 1000 ton container was removed from my heart.
I was waiting for her reply.She didn't answer for a while. I would have happy with that , had Iknownthe words she uttered next.
"Whats wrong with you Kishore,have you gone mad or something???"I felt as if my eyes would pop out of my head as I tried to control mytears!!!"I mean!! I thought you were a smart and decent guy!!!
I......"She never spoke for a while."So you don't love me????", I couldn't believe I was asking this . Themessage was clear but I wanted the exact words from her mouth."Of course not!! Did I ever behave as if I was in love with you???"
I felt as if my heart was beaten up by thousand goons."So you never felt love towards me?? Not even once?? Not even oneinstance????", I knew it was pathetic but I couldn't help asking herthis."Oh kishore!!!! Iam so sorry to say this.
See I have a lot of respect and admiration towards you but love!!???That is different . You cant coerce love from someone. It should happenbyitself. And I don't feel that towards you but........"She stopped as she saw our friends coming back. We never talked about this after wards and I tried to avoid her as muchaspossible.
Since I was an introvert by nature , nobody suspectedanything.I didnt feel any grudge or remorse towards her and thought I would neversee her for the rest of my life. Apparently I was wrong This thought is in line with the lyrics of the song "En kaadhale" from the tamil film "Duet"." Nee thozhiya , illai edhiriya ena dhinamum poraattama"